Difficult

This makes me sad.
This last week, for reasons palpable and also, somewhat intangible, has made me feel a disappointment in people. It's unlike me, I think. In general, I like people. They smile and say funny things. And if they're not funny or clever, at least they're kind, right? Decent.
Perhaps I'm just tired. Very often, for me, that is at the root of things. But it's a feeling that has been growing in me, I think, for a really long time.
I've been propegating this realization; that I prefer- need- to be around people who disassociate themselves from their pasts and from their self-indulgences. So often, it feels like people don't listen carefully. I leave places knowing that I have spoken but that nobody heard what I said, or if they did, they only had nasty things to say in return. Lately, this feels like it is the case. Maybe I'm just not interesting.
But again, I am tired, and this is the end of the year.
Mum and I think it might have something to do with the music too. I'm listening to a lot of Sufjan Stevens who, I think it is safe to say, thinks pretty deeply. It's hard not to want that in places other than music. Maybe, I've just got to switch things up a bit. Listen to stuff that's a little less heavy maybe? Gaga, can you hear me?
I have good plans for the summer, because, guess what, school is out. I don't really know when that happened, but I'm glad it has arrived. I have plans of things to make. Music to learn. I'll probably be working more than last year, but that is appropriate, I think. My peers have far more stressful and demanding jobs than I do.
So, the sun has come out and it's shining on things and making them clean. Everyone is upstairs and we are quiet and humming. Being with them makes me feel better, like I've finally been unknotted. I still don't really want to be with most people (save a few), but this is good.