Memoir

The book was a pale pink, ballet teacher pink. Somebody, she didn't know who, had drawn a lady in a green skirt, a tree and a horizon line on the front cover. She flipped through the already well-worn pages and savored each one. A picture of her and Erin, the girl who took karate, and wore her hair in a short, sandy bob. A picture of her and Aurora, who hugged her too hard with a grin too phony to really be believed. Herself and Ms. Fairly, standing by the pine tree. Herself and Bradley, looking slightly more demure, aware of the impending separation. .
She always got car sick, and the drive to the "States" was no exception. It wasn't particularly different here. More trees. More rain, but still the same grey colour in the sky and the same tired chill in the early morning. She wondered why such a fuss was made about coming here.

***

Nellie had always liked having new school supplies. They smelled nice and they accentuated the excitement of everything being different. No one had really talked to her, but they had barely had time to. The teacher had introduced her to the class before the bell had rung and she had enjoyed that, and the shy front she put up; she enjoyed that too.

But then suddenly everyone was standing up, and the teacher (Who wasn't her usual teacher apparently, just a substitute) was coming to the front of the class. Then they were all speaking in unison. Looking in the same direction. Nellie stayed in her seat, until the rest of the class sat down again, and then raised her hand.

"What was that?"

The teacher was a pointy, fashionable sort of woman, prone to wearing turtlenecks. Her name sounded like the word nails. So Nellie fixed it in her mind that her teacher's name was Ms. Nails.

"That, was the pledge of allegiance. We address the flag every morning and on Mondays we sing the Star Spangled Banner". Ms. Nails smacked her lips and wrote the words to the pledge of allegiance up on the board.

"We'll see how you do tomorrow. Okay?"

***

Nellie's cardigan was terribly hot. She took it off. It was only April, but the sun had come out blindingly and suddenly, and the girl was uncomfortable, in this unfamiliar playground, with all it's metal. She was waiting in line to get on a bar. She didn't really understand the point of them. Girls just basically spun around on them, their long ponytails hitting the wood chips with a strange swishing sound. They looked like giant croquet goals. Maybe they were things you had to experience to understand. She wished someone wanted to be a faerie with her instead.

The bar, when she finally commandeered one, was exactly what it looked like. It made her knee uncomfortable. And she panicked a little when she was she was entirely upside down. But she had waited long enough, and she was going to take what she could from it. She had fifteen loops to get through.

A short girl was watching her from her place in the line and after a few minutes of observation walked straight up to Nellie, who was on loop number 7. She had pretty, feminine brown hair, and she was wearing a sparkly pink and brown t-shirt. Her name was Laura. Nellie envied the length of Laura's hair, longed for her own shorn curls.

"Can I use this bar?" said Laura. Nellie hesitated and then nodded. She still had 8 loops left. But maybe Laura could be a friend. They switched places and Laura did a few experimental spins. Then she looked up at Nellie, and cocked her head.
"Do you know why I asked you?" she said.

"No."

Laura blinked. "Because I knew you'd get off easiest." And then she spun in three loops, without stopping once.

***

There was so much space at the new house. Tunnels to be made in the blackberry thicket. Nests to find. Trees to climbs. Thorns to be snagged in. The yard was their kingdom.

The baby was lovely, and she didn't cry much at all. Northie loved the baby. He loved the baby a lot. But he still went on adventures with Nellie. Her faithful companion. She missed him. Always.

They had found a clearing in the thicket, hidden away from the world by leaves and stalks and blackberries. Nellie had named it Paradise. She told Northie that he could be the founder, and she would be the Prime Minister. They settled into their roles comfortably. Stuffed moss into Ziploc and bags and called them pillows. Lugged their plastic dinner sets through the undergrowth. Made tables out of play wood and sticks. No one was allowed to know the way into the clearing except Northie and herself. They had to blindfold any outsiders who wanted to visit.

***

No one really knew the Spice Girls here. They all liked someone called Britney Spears. She missed playing Spice Girls. She had hoped that she might be able to pull some strings at the new school and be allowed to play Baby Spice. But nobody knew them. So she stopped playing spice girls.

***

Her Mother always told her to put things through the filter. Do to others what you would want done to you. She said that sometimes, people had less practiced filters. People like Laura. People like Jaimie. People like Ms. Anderson. People like Ms. Nails. People like Robbie.

***

Everyday, Nellie's Mother packed her a cheese sandwich on homemade bread. Cheddar. In preschool Nellie had peanut butter and honey. And in Kindergarten. But ever since starting first grade she'd had cheese. Which she liked.
Lunches were divided in two segments at the new school. The younger grades ate first. And then, the older kids flooded into the cafeteria. They were larger and very much aware of the division between the older and younger students.
Nellie was a slow eater. Sometimes, she got stuck in the transition from younger lunch to older lunch. Not pleasant. She started saving half of her sandwich for home.

***

Katie looked like a little miniature Snow-white. Puffy locks of coarse black hair. Pale, pale skin. She was tiny and she always wore a large eggplant colored duffel coat. She was brave and smart and irreverent.

But the most important thing about Kaitie was that she liked to play faeries.

***

Kaitie and Nellie spent most of their recesses fighting off the Bad Spirits with sticks they found underneath the big pine tree. The baseball diamond was full of evil winged vampires, who needed vanquishing. The lower playground was a faerie metropolis. Both Kaitie and Nellie had rabbit familiars who went everywhere with them. Kaitie was glad that someone else believed in the Bad Spirits. Nellie was glad someone else liked to do something other than swing on the bars.

***

Nellie looked up at the feathery clouds and wondered for a moment.

"If we were able to fly, wouldn't it look weird if we just shot up into the sky without any wings or anything?"

Kaitie cocked her head thoughtfully. "Peter Pan did it."

"True. But he's different. I'm thinking about Mary Poppins, with her umbrella. If we could fly, would we need something to help us steer?"

"I don't know" Kaitie said, distracted. "Let's go make a potion."

It had rained the night before and the lower field was dotted with varying sized puddles. It was an unspoken rule that you didn't go playing in the mud. So it was with a little bit of apprehension that Kaitie and Nellie knelt at the edge of the nearest puddle. Kaitie broke off the end of a long stick and swirled it through the water. It clouded as the dirt rose.

"Nellie. We more dirt and some grass." she continued to stir the puddle. Nellie turned on her knees and scraped at the moist earth with her dull fingers. She scrubbed up a handful of dirt and dropped it into the puddle. It was thickening satisfactorily. Nellie pulled up some grass and threw that in as well.

"This will keep away any bad spirits." Kaitie said, almost broodingly. Nellie nodded. They waited for awhile silently, Kaitie stirring vigorously and Nellie watching her. A shadow fell over the puddle. A sixth grader, with a brown paper bag filled with popcorn under his arm. It was popcorn Friday.

"Whatcha doing?"

Kaitie looked up at him. "We're making a potion to keep away the bad spirits."

"Bad spirits?"

"Yes. They get inside your head and control you. They're evil." Nellie nodded and Kaitie continued to stir.

"You guys are weird.." Nellie thought about the filter. The sixth grader spat the popcorn mush from his mouth and it landed in their potion. Nellie watched the pale yellow goo be swallowed up by the mud, and wanted to vomit. Kaitie watched it too. The sixth grader watched them watch the pieces of popcorn, smirking. Kaitie looked up at him for a moment and then started stirring again and said lightly.

"Perfect. That will definitely keep the bad spirits away. Thank you." After a moment of stunned silence, the boy walked away. Kaitie kept stirring and Nellie watched her.

And then they both smiled, in absolute unison, indifferent and different and happy.